There is a scene at the beginning of “Father of the Bride” (the 1991 version) where Steve Martin is sitting slumped over in a rumpled navy-blue tuxedo, amid streamers and abandoned cake plates, describing the difference between “getting married” and “a wedding.”

I’ve thought a lot about that scene over the last few months as I’ve moved from “writing a book” to “publishing a book.” Because they are vastly different.

Two years ago, I launched this blog as a way to chronicle the ups and downs of writing a book and navigating the journey to publishing my debut. I’ve had some downs, lots of ups, and I’m looking forward to what the next year holds as I transition from “aspiring author” to “published author.” I am looking forward to finding out all the ways they are different.

So, without further delay, the 2023 edition of “The Things I Didn’t Know I Didn’t Know List”(Click here for 2021’s list and here for 2022).

1) It’s a still a marathon, but be ready to sprint. If the last three years have taught us nothing else, it’s to be ready for anything. Publishing is like that. I am very lucky to work with organized people who are wonderful communicators, but there are definitely moments where all bets are off - edits, launch week, special events, to name just a few. So don’t squander the recovery times, because another sprint is inevitable. Use downtime to get ahead somewhere (like research, writing, scheduling social media posts) because there will always be times when you have no time.

2) You read your book differently once it becomes a possibility that others may read it too.
It’s one thing to write a book for yourself. The minute you start to imagine your friends and family reading it, there WILL be things you see differently. Trust in yourself, and in them, and don’t let fear dictate the story you wanted to tell. That being said, if you accidentally named a character in your book after someone you know IRL, maybe consider changing it if you still want to be invited over for dinner.

3) I. Need. Help (Yeah, yeah, insert your jokes here). The hardest thing I learned this year was that I cannot do everything on my own (woof, that’s a bitter pill to swallow). I have started setting aside a day a week dedicated to finding answers to my questions. Beyond working with my publisher, I have found the help I need through online writing and reading groups, a marketing coach, listening to mindset podcasts, subscribing to a debut author Slack, following hashtags, and by reading the acknowledgement sections of other authors’ books. There are resources everywhere. Put the work in to find them. Ask for help when you need it. You WILL need it.

4) Portable phone chargers are clutch. Holy crow, you guys. I was online most of my launch day, and by noon I had to re-locate myself to work near an outlet with the longest phone charger cord I could find. It was… not ideal. For big event days, a portable charger is a MUST.

January Highlights:
Writing: Completed content edits for SOMETHING BETTER.

Marketing: Had my COVER REVEAL!!! Thank you to everyone who shared, commented, and liked my book baby’s gorgeous artwork. That day was beyond all my expectations. You are the best.

I’ve started leaning into my “stuck in the 80s” vibe on IG. Want some fun? Check out my crowd-sourced favorite 80’s love songs playlist on Spotify.

Education: I watched webinars on creating newsletters (timely) and Pinterest content (someday).

Books read in January: 3
GONE, THE REDEEMER by Scott Gates
TRUST EXERCISE by Susan Choi
HIS ALASKAN REDEMPTION by Heidi McCahan
2023 total: 3/52

February Goals:
Writing: I am taking a break from any new writing projects longer than a blog or IG post.

Marketing: Newsletter promotion, creating a one-sheet about myself and my book, updating my website with SOMETHING BETTER images and info.

To Read:
RULES OF CIVILITY by Amor Towles
THE BLUE BAR by Damyanti Biswas
THE MINUSCULE MANSION OF MYRA MALONE by Audrey Burges
CRAZY TO LEAVE YOU by Marilyn Simon Rothstein